Unfinished

I must be a Nothing before love

a Nothing, for love

To love, I was broken

and yet again, broken

For, if love was just a feeling for me,

No mortal would ever have satisfied me.

And my search for safer spaces would never have ended.

Love and life are so entwined

that, I still remain breakable,
until I no longer can be.

The work is far from finished.

A letter to my father

Somehow, this prayer I read elsewhere, seems very close to my heart...

A LETTER TO MY FATHER

Dear Father,

It’s being a while since I spent time alone with You, deep in my heart I keep feeling this emptiness, a silent form of loneliness with nothing new happening. I suddenly realised how edgy, cranky and short tempered I had become, blinding my vision and causing a staleness in my life. Father I need You.

I remember when You taught me, to pray always, and You further stated that I should talk to You always without getting tired… but indeed Father, I got tired. I also remember when You said it wasn’t in the repetition of words, but in the perseverance of my desire for the changes I expect. I now realise that no matter how long it takes, no matter how long my heart aches for that change, if I hold on to what you said and my speech agrees with my believe, that which I seek will be done.

I remember when You told me, to use Your name always, and that the miracles I read about will happen in my life if I just believe. It sounded simple yet funny, but now I understand better; that it’s not just in the talking, but also in the believing for a change. It’s not just in calling Your name, but knowing that it’s the key to unseen doors.

I have also learnt that; Power is not in the eloquence of my speech, but in the knowledge of the Word. Power is not just in continuous prayer, but knowing the power of the Spirit in it.

Father, I know deep in me I must do the things that please you. I embarrassingly know that you have deep and sincere intentions for me which I must search out, understand it, and when I walk in it, I would prosper in success. My Father, more than ever, I need You. I need to know the things you would have me do. A lot are changing around me, and I need New changes in my life, New things, New beginnings, a New birth. My Father, I need You.

In Jesus Christ name, I remain

Yours Faithfully

Your Child

Source: RCCGNCA Morning Pill (Daily devotional). Thank you, Tosin.

Led by the Spirit...

Acts of the sinful nature not just include things like sexual immorality and drunkenness, but also things we (or many of us, including me) consider a very normal human response.This include: hatred, discord, dissension, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, faction, envy and debauchary. 


Debauchery: excessive indulgence of sensual pleasures (the sense to see, touch, smell, taste  and feel)
This includes excessive eating/craving for food/fashion/clothes/perfumes etc.. We have a general tendency to limit sensual pleasure to sight and touch, but as we see, this is not the case.

I confess and realize, I DO have these in me:

I harbor bitter hard-core HATRED 

I stir up DISCORD quite often

My thoughts and responses often lead to DISSENSIONS 

I do get JEALOUS

I do indulge in DEBAUCHERY

I almost always have FITS OF RANGE, yes, I am very easily provoked

I harbor SELFISH AMBITION very frequently

I have a tendency to join FACTIONs

I am utterly impure and seek cleansing. Galatians 5 says: "Live by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. They (sinful nature and the Spirit) are in conflict with each other so that you do not do what you want." 

God knows that even when you and me WANT to do good, we cannot, unless we submit to Him and ask the Spirit to lead us. 

May I pray humbly before you, O Father. I need your help. I submit to you. Help me live by your Spirit!

 Lord I have seen many wise and learned men fail utterly in life, around me. So, I realize that it is not wisdom or knowledge that makes one stand. But, it is only by (foolishly, even if soemone may call it so) submitting to you and by learning that I am nothing before you, O Perfect One!

Senses

Senses

Its amazing how the human sense organs work - the sense to taste, hear, smell, see and feel? All  work together in perfect harmony to form what is called our perception of the outside world. Thus, these tangible faculties facilitate our formation of the worldview. Interestingly, these senses are subject to the control of the individual who owns them. Therefore, ultimately, it is the mind who has to decide what one should taste/hear/smell/see or even feel, but not the senses.

Thus, biologically, WILL is placed about WANT. So, these questions arise:

1. Is it possible to train the mind to decide first?
2. If so, how will it know what to decide? In other words, what is above mind?

We live in a world where senses are fed and nourished. The mind takes it's backseat. As long as he/she can (which is literally "as looong as the senses exist") "life" goes on. When all these fails, the individual in the end loses the master (controller), not knowing which direction to take, not even knowing that one could have had control over one's life.